Sunshine Quilts

Monday, June 26, 2006

I do not understand!

More to the Story: About 2 weeks ago, the state police really began working the bypass here. I'm the kind of person you hate to get stuck behind.I sent them an e-mail thanking them because the speeders had really gotten bad on there. They wrote me back and said they rarely get thanked for their efforts. Kinda funny now that my son was one who got a ticket today. But, here's the best part. Things kinda calmed down tonight and I asked Chad what the officer said to him. Poor Chad . . he never knows when to be quiet! He told me the officer said "I'm giving you a break. You were going 76 but I'm going to put it down as 70." OMG!!! Are all kids so darned hard headed or is it just mine? Chad is 18-1/2 and never thinks past his nose . . never has! In KY, they can get their driver's license at 16-1/2. We told him if he made A's & B's, he could get a car for his senior year. Didn't happen. When he got 18, he did get his driver's license but he only drove with us in the car. We told him when he got a job, we would help him get a car. He got a job about a month ago and after a week or so, Vince let Chad start driving his car. Vince explained to him that if he got one ticket or had one wreck that was his fault, he was off our insurance and the car went back to Vince. So, he drives pretty much to work and back for 2 weeks. He went a few other places but very few. This morning he was off work. He wakes up wanting to go to Target. Here's the conversation: Chad: I'm going to Target Me: No, you're not. I've ridden with you enough to know that you do not go to the speed limit and until I can trust that you will drive the speed limit, you're driving to work and back and that's it. Chad: Then you go with me to Target Me: I don't need anything from Target. About an hour later: Chad: I'm going to the bank and to get a pizza. That's all about 2 blocks from here . . unless you choose to get on the bypass and go half way around town. Me: Ok but go straight there and straight back. He comes home and hands me this: 1. He's on the bypass which was NOT on the way to get pizza or to go to the bank. 2. He's going 70 mph in a 55 mph zone. Give the car back . . find out how much insurance is going to be to get your own policy and find a vehicle you can afford. He checked on insurance and he's going to have to pay about $450/month. He brings home about $800 now working 40 hours. But, when school starts, he will not get 40 hours so every dime will basically pay for gas and insurance. Makes no sense at all to me but . . we gave him the rules, he chose not to follow them so he now pays the price. I hate to be mean and it breaks my heart that all his money will go towards something he could have had for free but he made the wrong choices and I have to stick by what I said. For now though . . I get my garage back and all this batting that is in my living room can go back into the garage! But, I'm disappointed for him, I'm mad that he doesn't listen to me and overall, I'm just totally frustrated at the immaturity and lack of decision making skills I see in him. Judy


  • Judy, been there, done that till I thought it would kill me. I've got three boys and I think it comes along with the y chromosome. It doesn't matter how much you (just clueless Mom)explain, beg or threaten, they will do their thing. I finally changed the way I thought about it. Not 'oh no, more trouble' but 'he got caught and will have to pay a price- YES!!' I'm grateful for each time they were caught(and all the gray hair it caused) because they learned more from the experience than they ever did from me-and now they think I'm pretty smart, afterall.(They are now grown,the youngest is a Marine and almost 24, different worries, but 3 men to be proud of.)

    By Blogger Gail, at 6/26/2006 01:32:00 PM  

  • Judy, nothing ever changes and Gail is right, it does have to do with the Y chromosone. Ryan never listens to me either, so now he's sleeping on the couch at a friends house, out of work again (3rd job this summer) with no driver's license and no GED. But, what do I know, I'm just a Mom!!! Stick to your guns, you are right!!!

    By Blogger June in MD, at 6/26/2006 02:25:00 PM  

  • 3 boys here too... can't tell them a thing! Whaddya expect, they're future "men"! Hehe

    By Anonymous CJ, at 6/26/2006 03:03:00 PM  

  • You know your job, its to be mom. I too wish that at least sometimes being seen as an intelligent, thoughtful person could go with that job description, but I don't think teenage boys have any concept that those worlds might overlap.... hang in there

    By Blogger quiltpixie, at 6/26/2006 03:17:00 PM  

  • *hugs!* You're doing the right thing, as hard and as frustrating as it might be. Driving is a privilege, not "expected".

    Can he go to traffic school? My brother was caught doing 94 in a 65 zone and he went to traffic school so it wouldn't reflex on his insurance. I have no doubt that my dad will take away my brother's license if it happens again. And brother just bought his own car a few months ago - I imagine he's extra careful now. :)

    By Blogger Leah S, at 6/26/2006 04:04:00 PM  

  • I think it was Bill Cosby who said "raising a teenager is like trying to nail jello to a tree". From my perspective... the man's a prophet! Stick to your guns.

    By Anonymous Sally in SC, at 6/26/2006 04:38:00 PM  

  • Well, all I can say about teenage boys is thank goodness for Miss Clairol!

    I hope he's going to learn his lesson from this! Maybe he'll think about it every time he gets in the car for you to drive him somewhere!

    There's sure never a dull moment at your house, kiddo!


    By Blogger Vicky, at 6/26/2006 05:03:00 PM  

  • Some girls are just as bad in the "not thinking things thru" department! My youngest got a speeding ticket and had a fender-bender (absolutely no damage to her car --but that's what happens when you follow too closely!) in the same week!! Fortunately for her, she can go to driving school for the speeding ticket, so only the other will be an "adjustment" on her insurance rates! Oh, the joys of parenthood!

    By Blogger Rosanne, at 6/26/2006 07:10:00 PM  

  • Good for you (and Vince) sticking to your guns--not easy, I imagine. Sometimes it just takes some longer to grow up and learn their lessons?

    By Blogger Linda_J, at 6/26/2006 07:11:00 PM  

  • I agree it's not only boys. My dd got a speeding ticket after not having her license for a year, 81 in a 65. In our state you lose your license for 2 months for ANY first infraction longer for a second. We and her driving instructor had told her repeatedly to slow down. Luckily, our state took care of her punishment and saved us the trouble. She had an uncomfortable 2 months walking everywhere she needed to go.

    By Blogger tami, at 6/26/2006 07:52:00 PM  

  • I dread the teenage years-- 3 boys & 1 girl coming upon it fast! I am trying to 'take notes' & learn from others like you. I like the rules you have made, I know the hardest part is sticking to it. I admire how you held up your side of the agreement. I'm sure it's tough! Good luck!

    By Blogger kim, at 6/26/2006 08:03:00 PM  

  • Judy, I have always worked for everything that is mine - been out on my own since I was 18. I will just say - I never thought that kids who were "handed" things ever really apperciated them or took care of them. When you earn it yourself and are paying for it yourself I think in the long run you appreciate it more. Don't feel badly - your are doing the right thing.



    By Blogger Evelyn aka Starfishy, at 6/27/2006 04:41:00 AM  

  • This is the only way that he will learn... Stick to your guns!

    By Blogger The Calico Cat, at 6/27/2006 05:46:00 AM  

  • Judy, I applaude you. Too many parents these days will set boundaries/rules for their kids, and then go back on them when push comes to shove. OF COURSE the kids aren't going to obey those rules...why should they when they know that their parents will back down!! They say that they won't bail 'em out...and always do. No lesson learned there but on how to play the 'game'. GOOD FOR YOU! I know it's tough...but you are giving him *exactly* what he needs tough love. :o)

    By Blogger Tracey, at 6/27/2006 07:19:00 AM  

  • Hang in there Judy. It's tough, but he'll thank you in the long run.

    Mega Hugs to a SuperMom,

    By Blogger Melinda, at 6/27/2006 07:49:00 AM  

  • Oh, Judy, I'm sorry. From someone with only little kids, I can't offer too much advice, but it sounds to me like you are doing everything right.

    By Anonymous Samantha, at 6/27/2006 08:01:00 AM  

  • Judy,
    OH and I have had TONS of chats about our kids. I will say that we gave our kids ONE error...the 2nd one was the killer. All but DD youngest DS...the other 2 boys each...have ONE. They aren't about to go over the edge. Dan actually had a moving violation in our driveway. One of Kevin's friends were waiting in the driveway at 12:30AM and their horn didn't work. Dan wasn't expecting anyone to be in th driveway at that hour...and BAM...but it was his one strike! ;O)

    It's rough as you said, but those are the boundaries you set and you HAVE to stick by them. I would've been leary of him changing his story to pizza! LOL...

    By Blogger Laurie, at 6/27/2006 08:06:00 AM  

  • This is what I read into this post. You are telling me it never ends? I thought it maybe got easier as they got older!!!

    My teenage step-daughter loves to test the limits. We set the limits and she crosses them. 99% of the time. I don't understand why they can't see reason. They seem somewhat mature, but they still make poor decisions. ARGH!

    By Blogger deputyswife, at 6/27/2006 08:30:00 AM  

  • Wow, that's pretty bad. My husband was pretty rowdy and hardheaded as a teenager, but he turned out well as an adult. I am sure Chad will too.

    By Blogger Laurie Ann, at 6/27/2006 08:47:00 AM  

  • I support you Judy. Tough love ! I hope your DS is learning from it. Giving in to him now will never teach him anything. Hang in there.

    By Blogger Hanne, at 6/27/2006 11:09:00 AM  

  • My DH has always contended that when kids turn 13 their brains turn to lemon jello. They start to become human again and actually start using their brains again about age 26! Hang in there!

    By Blogger Joanne, at 6/27/2006 12:51:00 PM  

  • Boy does that bring back memories.When my oldest was 19 he called at 1am to tell us he had been in an accident and that he was ok so we rush to the scene find the wrecked car but no son. I thought for sure he had been taken to the hospital, we call and nothing.We even called the jail,nothing.
    We were driving around town just wondering where he could be.Then we see him in a pickup with a bunch of guys.He said he decided to continue partying because he knew he was going to be grounded.Can you believe it. we were helping him pay for insurance but with the condition that he had better not drink or speed.One day I had to move his car and heard something so I look under the passangers side and find a beer bottle.He was alseep and I was so mad I woke him up with the broom.The only thing I said was to remember what we had talked about,he said the bottle was his friends,but I didn't want to hear it. I went to the phone and took him off our insurance.He's 27 now and on his own and very respondsible and now thanks me for being a strict parent. The joys of raising sons.

    By Blogger Esteemarlu, at 6/27/2006 12:52:00 PM  

  • Judy, your first sentence says it all. Kids - after all, he really is still a kid. This is how they learn. Too many kids these days don't know that disagreeable consequences can result from their behavior. Your son is learning that. It's one of the best things you can teach him. Yes, it's really hard to watch, but keep telling yourself this is best for him. Too many of the young people we hire today think the world owes them a living on a platter with no work on their part. Not the lesson you want to teach your son.

    By Blogger Patti, at 6/27/2006 01:19:00 PM  

  • Judy, Steven had so many speeding tickets in the last two years that the state charged him a surcharge every 6 months. He once passed an Ohio state police car, on the ramp and Steven was going 80. So, yes, they do grow up and slow down.

    By Blogger Patty, at 6/27/2006 04:01:00 PM  

  • Half the time I don't have a clue what my boys are thinking when they do something but I'm a strong believer in consequences.

    We've always been strict as parents and so far in spite of some questionable decision making on occasion my sons are doing well. Both graduated from college and living on their own at 21 and 22.

    By Blogger Mary, at 6/27/2006 04:09:00 PM  

  • I'm not a parent, but I still think that what you are doing is correct. When I was 18 I thought my parents just didn't "get it", but as I got older I was amazed at how smart they were. I'm sure your son knows that you love him and that you only set limits because you love him. He'll "get it" soon. In the meantime, isn't it great to share your frustration with sympathetic listeners?

    By Blogger Bonnie, at 6/27/2006 06:32:00 PM  

  • From his staement he wasn't going 70 in a 55, he was going 76 in a 55 mph zone. Luckily the guy didn't give him the reckless driving ticket. He probably would have a suspended license. I will admit to being a speeder myself at times, but never more than 5 miles over the limit.

    He will eventually learn...the hard way, but he'll learn. You did the right thing.

    By Blogger Judy, at 6/28/2006 09:22:00 AM  

  • Keep up the hard work and you'll have a son you can be proud of when he matures!

    I see so many kids at my library that have no boundaries set for them at all. I congratulate you on setting some and sticking to them!

    By Blogger ForestJane, at 6/28/2006 11:46:00 PM  

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