Sunshine Quilts

Friday, March 03, 2006

Horrible Parent . . at least I can quilt!

Well, at least I'm a decent quilter because I'm a failure . . a total failure a parenting. If you don't believe that, just ask my son! He has NO privileges; he has NO life. What it really boils down to is .. he doesn't have a car! I'm one of those parents who believes you work for what you get. In the summer before Chad started 11th grade, Vince and I discussed the car issue. Chad could have gotten his driver's license when he was 16-1/2 and that was in the middle of the 11th grade. Vince didn't think he needed a car at that time. I thought it wouldn't be a bad idea for him to have a car to drive back and forth to school. We decided that if Chad made A's and B's the first semester, we'd get him a car for Christmas. It wouldn't be a new car but it would be a decent car. We sat down with Chad and explained it to him. We asked him if he thought that was reasonable. Oh, yes! That was great. He never once brought a book home; he didn't turn in assignments, he did *nothing* and he failed Algebra. OK . . so much for the car! Vince and I talked and I suggested that we give him another chance. Maybe if he makes A's and B's the second semester, he can get a car when school is out. Vince said no, we never stick with what we say. I convinced him that every kid needs a car their senior year. We sat down with Chad again and explained we're giving him another chance. Oh, good! I'll do better. Nope, didn't bring a book home again. Didn't turn in assignments. Made three C's and one D. Then we told him he HAD to get a job for the summer. Nope, didn't happen. Kinda half heartedly looked for a job. Put in three applications and that was because I drove him to Target, Toys R Us and one other place and said "you're doing it!". Here we are at the senior year. We told him if he gets a job and gets a car, we'll put him on our insurance and pay the insurance but he has to get the car himself. Of course, with no job, there's no car. So, now, it's all MY fault! He has no money to go out with his friends, he has no car, he has no job. I'm thinking . . in a few months, you may not have food because he is not going to sit here after graduation, sleep all day, stay up all night and not work. He's real quick to share his opinion on people who don't work and expect something for nothing and I'm thinking . . huh? What are you doing? OK . . now you know I'm a rotten parent and I've ruined my son's life. On the quilting front, I am doing the next mystery for QOV and I tested the instructions today. For my own quilt, I'm making it a little larger, didn't have enough fabric to finish but it's real close to being finished. Called the quilt shop yesterday and they were sending me more fabric so maybe it will get here tomorrow. I cut out another one tonight but the weekend has to be spent longarming on customer's quilts. Thank goodness I have a hobby and I can get some satisfaction from knowing I'm a good quilter. You don't even want to hear about what I did to lunch today! :( Judy

25 Comments:

  • You are the best parent ! Stick to your guns and tell him you will go on Dr Phil show with him to prove it : )
    None of our children drove till they were 18, cars that is, they all had buggy priviledges before that though. They had to be working and be able to pay their insurance unless in college then we would pay insurance and gas.
    Stick to your guns girl !

    By Blogger Patty, at 3/03/2006 08:03:00 PM  

  • I agree with Patty...you are an AWESOME parent...after all, you CHOSE to be Chad's mom...I think teenagers is God's cruel sense of humor! ;o) This too shall pass!
    HUGS
    Laurie

    By Blogger Laurie, at 3/03/2006 08:30:00 PM  

  • I keep telling my daughter that I'm the meanest mom she's got - and she's only 10! I agree with your parenting philosophy - kids only appreciate things when they are earned, not given. The saying in our house is "Save your drama for your llama 'cause your mama don't care.". Works for me!

    By Blogger Susan, at 3/03/2006 08:50:00 PM  

  • Nope, I'd say you're a very good parent. It's only going to be a couple of years until he tells you that! And he'll probably do the same thing with his kids! Yep, you're a dynamite parent!

    By Blogger Vicky, at 3/03/2006 09:20:00 PM  

  • Sometimes it all can seem to be a vicious circle! Don't worry - something will give somewhere - sooner or later - and it will be back to the straight road.

    Cheers!

    Evelyn

    By Blogger Evelyn aka Starfishy, at 3/03/2006 10:52:00 PM  

  • You know ... I sometimes think many of us are sharing the same child!
    Your parenting earns gold stars with me. Don't let anyone push you around on that one, we will all thank each other when we live in a world with responsible young people.

    By Blogger cindyquilts, at 3/03/2006 11:00:00 PM  

  • Judy, you could not be more right and you could not act better that you are... The boy will get it after a while :o), uf I do not look forward this teenage years of my children, it seems to be soooooo difficult sometimes. Strength to you and your husband :o)

    By Blogger Alena, at 3/03/2006 11:55:00 PM  

  • um sorry judy.....

    according to miss 17, I am the worst parent!! LOL

    she has no prospect of employment (unless it begins after 3pm...that is about when she gets up)

    and I sure am NOT gonna pay for driving lessons, much less a car!!

    By Blogger christine, at 3/04/2006 12:46:00 AM  

  • I am in the same boat as you, and I think I should make Jeff read your blog entry just to prove to him that I am not the only parent who believes this way! I took Jeff yesterday to deliver 3 job apps. I know it isn't enough...but he decided that he really didn't want to work at the place where we had picked up the 4th app because it looked like TOO MUCH WORK!? HELLO!??? He wants to be picky and choosey about where he works, and I am sticking to my guns right with you.

    Bonnie

    By Blogger Bonnie, at 3/04/2006 05:21:00 AM  

  • Judy, I just thought of something. I worked in the summers in high school as a candy striper (almost typed stripper!) at the local hospital. Why don't you see if some volunteer work is available. I'd bet after working for free, he'd change his mind about wanting to get a real job!!

    By Blogger Vicky, at 3/04/2006 05:32:00 AM  

  • Count me as another parent in your corner. I have 2 girls, not driving yet but can see the same argument heading our way. At least we have our quilting to keep us sane.

    By Blogger Mandy, at 3/04/2006 05:37:00 AM  

  • Hang in there Judy, you are doing the right thing..and you ARE a good, responsible parent. Everything was discussed and laid out for him to see. Not complying was HIS choice. So many young people seem to think they are related to Paris Hilton...not!!! It'll just get worse as he moves into his 20's if he doesn't get it now. We really don't "owe" them all the things they thing we do...Hugs, Finn

    By Blogger Finn, at 3/04/2006 07:06:00 AM  

  • My kids always say "but everyone else... -insert privledge here-" and "just give me one more chance". I tell them bummer for them they got the parents they got.
    My daugter in her first year of having her license got a speeding ticket. In Maine automatic loss of license for ANY infraction within the first year. When she got the letter saying to surrender it to the state she cried, knashed her teeth and swore that if she had one more chance she would never speed again. I have to say that it was with great pleasure I informed her she was more than welcome to call them and tell them that.
    You are doing a great job Judy. You are preparing him for life. In life he won't be getting second chances and will have to take responsibility for his actions.

    By Blogger tami, at 3/04/2006 07:29:00 AM  

  • isn't all this support and feedback great Judy?! Raised two sons...been there heard that! stick to your story and too bad he is having a miserable life right now-just keep reminding him, he made that choice! He is the only one that can fix his life and make himself be happy. Glad to hear you and your husband agree on this.
    hugs...it's not fun being a parent of a teenager much of the time

    By Blogger cher, at 3/04/2006 08:37:00 AM  

  • Judy, you are doing exactly what you should do to raise a responsible kid. Tell him you could be even tougher - tough love has the parents going with the kids to school and sitting with them in class to make sure they get there and stay awake. After hearing that what you are doing will seem less bad. Neither of our kids got a car until they were in college - or out of college - and they paid for the cars themselves. Even if we could have afforded it - and we couldn't - we wouldn't have done it. I wouldn't go through my kids teen years again for anything. I know it's so hard to believe it now, but this too shall pass.

    By Blogger Patti, at 3/04/2006 09:27:00 AM  

  • Judy you are doing a great job! Stick to your guns, this is an important life lesson...you don't work...you don't get paid... you have no wheels or money for fun. My oldest 2 girls both drive, I let them borrow my van but they pay their share of insurance. They paid for their own drivers ed too oh and they put gas in the van too. I usually only let them use it for driving to and from work. They are also saving for their own cars. I think kids appreciate things more when they have to earn them. Driving is a huge responsibility and some kids just aren't ready for it just because the law says they are old enough.
    Wendy

    By Blogger Wendy's Quilting, at 3/04/2006 09:42:00 AM  

  • Judy, you are RIGHT! It's tough being a parent of a teenager and as parents go, you're one of the best. I've been there too...not that long ago... with my son. Refused to find a job, quit the one he had because it was too much work, wound up pumping gas, crashing my Volvo, totalling my Mustang convertible and getting stopped for DUI. He finally gets it, now that he's in college. He's delivering pizza, making tons of money, planning on sharing a house next year (and paying his share by himself!) and he's become quite responsible. It was tough going and I don't know where the journey will take us but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Chad will get there too...it just takes time. Now I'm starting this all over with my 16 year old daughter...AAARGH!!!

    By Blogger Carolyn, at 3/04/2006 02:00:00 PM  

  • Judy, you are RIGHT! It's tough being a parent of a teenager and as parents go, you're one of the best. I've been there too...not that long ago... with my son. Refused to find a job, quit the one he had because it was too much work, wound up pumping gas, crashing my Volvo, totalling my Mustang convertible and getting stopped for DUI. He finally gets it, now that he's in college. He's delivering pizza, making tons of money, planning on sharing a house next year (and paying his share by himself!) and he's become quite responsible. It was tough going and I don't know where the journey will take us but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Chad will get there too...it just takes time. Now I'm starting this all over with my 16 year old daughter...AAARGH!!!

    By Blogger Carolyn, at 3/04/2006 02:01:00 PM  

  • Oh, I think you're being a just fine parent! My parents didn't buy us kids any cars... and in the long run I'm grateful for that. They DID allow us to use their cars - mainly to get to college, and if we were in college, they paid our insurance. I didn't get my driver's license until I was 19 and I survived just fine without the freedom of driving around.

    My husband's parents have bought all the kids (except the 14-year-old) a car... or even two! And I heartily wished they had put that money towards their kids education. I'd happily trade in my husband's car to have all his student loans paid off!! There's no gain in giving your kid a free ride, litterally.

    I think somewhere, somehow, teenagers don't understand that driving is a PRIVILEGE! Make them earn that privilege. Plus, think about how many tickets, accidents and insurance hikes you could be avoiding. My two sisters and I didn't get our licenses until after 18, while our brother got his at 16. Guess who has a speeding ticket for going 94mph? :) One more blemish for my brother, and he'll lose his license - through my dad! :)

    The lessons learned from the lack of a car and what one must do to get a car are far more valuable than the inconvenience of having to drive them around for another year or two.

    By Blogger Leah S, at 3/04/2006 03:21:00 PM  

  • I see another blog ring being formed -- 'the horrible parent blog ring', for I, too, think you are doing a fine job. My college student son didn't get a job the summer out of high school, but now plans on spending spring break looking for this summer's job. He's learned from experience that we weren't kidding about not supplying spending money for college.

    By Blogger debby, at 3/04/2006 04:00:00 PM  

  • Sounds right to me - you want to drive - you get good grades and a job. Hang in there.

    By Blogger Mary, at 3/04/2006 09:56:00 PM  

  • been down that road with 3 girls... my reward... they now have kids!!!!

    By Blogger Peggy, at 3/05/2006 07:38:00 PM  

  • Ya know, I did not have a car until I was a out of high school (we lived 20 miles from school) and almost graduated from college (I took the 7 year plan, slow start & I changed my mind too many times) & I survived, so I think Chad will be o.k. - at least you had a plan for getting him a car, he just did not do his part... (Getting A' & B's is not that hard...)

    Oh and my dad did not let me "borrow" his car either & he was not a "Dad Taxi" so no after school activities & you had to be up and ready for when he left if you wanted to get into town....

    tell Chad it could be a lot worse...

    (Don't get me started on College... I've got horrible parent stories there too & my dad missed the message about father's paying for their daughters first marriage...)

    By Blogger The Calico Cat, at 3/06/2006 08:33:00 AM  

  • Judy there is no way you can be the most horrible parent, I have already received that title a few years back! Sticking to your guns is the best thing you can do for them. Our oldest always complained he drove the junkiest car in school, I went out to the parking lot one day to stick something in it and to my amazement he was right. We always believed our children were not going to drive something better then us! With insurance costs I wondered how these other parents were getting there kids these cars!

    By Blogger Laura, at 3/06/2006 10:01:00 AM  

  • You're NOT a rotten parent. Better chad learns some of these lessons know than when he hits the real world. I don't have much good advice since my parenting challenges revolve around tantrums and potty training, but, I'd say, stick to your guns!! you are a great mom, and you can do it!!

    By Anonymous Samantha, at 3/06/2006 02:12:00 PM  

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